Will This Road Trip Never End?

(This is part ? of the Black Hills vacation series. If you would like to start at the beginning, click here.)

Hey - there's mini golf at this hotel! We slept well last night, after the kids indulged in some cable TV in their room, and John and I watched our own TV in our room. Suites rock.

Driving the remaining 350 miles home wasn’t a slam dunk. I was starting to think it might take a miracle for us all to make it home. Ever. It’s just that it’s not easy to spend 8 hours in the car with 4 little boys. They have too much energy and dirt (and entropy!) for one car. That’s my theory anyway. My husband doesn’t like them to be plugged in the whole time, so they get bored and mischievous and they torment each other.  Aren’t there some road trip games that they should like to play, like spotting license plates, and 'I Spy'?

By this time, I had given up on the car cleanliness issue. If there were hamburgers under the seats, or flying through the air, I didn’t care anymore. My hips were in pain from sitting in the car too long and bouncing my legs to keep myself awake, and my thumbs were in pain from using them to steer. Yeah, I feel way more years than I have under my belt, unfortunately.

The one saving grace about driving through South Dakota is the raised speed limit. Until we hit road construction and the speed limit was reduced to 55. I had an silent hissy fit, which is actually possible believe it or not. I spent a good while figuring out how much longer it was taking us to go 10 miles at 55mph vs. 75mph, and cursing in my head. It’s about 3 extra minutes by the way, which really was an eternity at the time.

We did make it home…everyone intact…but I can’t speak for the car. I hate to cut this post short -- but I'm so effing sick of this trip I'm carsick.

Fumbling Our Way Home

(This is part ? of the Black Hills vacation series. If you would like to start at the beginning, click here.)

It’s finally time to drive home! Never mind that the drive is a two part saga (will this trip never end?). We’re checked out of the horse-shit-minefield resort and on our way. We must have been in a big hurry to hightail it out of the cabins, because a few miles down the highway a driver pulled up alongside us pointing toward the roof of our car. Our car-top carrier. Which was wide open. And emptying itself in a hurry. We pulled over immediately and did inventory. It was mostly bedding up top, which miraculously stayed put, but 2 of the kid's bicycle helmets were missing. (And of course the monkeys were all clamoring to know exactly whose helmets had been left rolling down the highway, hoping it wasn't their own.) We did a U-turn to grab one we could see in the road, and then drove back to find the second. Along comes a guy in a van with the helmet in his hand. He said it tumbled into his yard, so he picked it up and hopped in his car with it. Now that's an amazing Good Samaritan. Would I have done that? I would have put the helmet up on the side of the road where the search party could see it, sure. But I never would have expected to find and catch up to the people who lost it. It kind of restores your faith in humanity when people do little things like that. At least a little. 

So we packed up, locked down, and set out on the road again. First stop:  SD Air and Space Museum at Ellsworth Air Force Base. I loved this place. There are many decommissioned aircraft on display, including a B52 and a F101 Voodoo. Working in the defense industry for 10 years imparted a sincere respect for the military, and I admire the innovation that created these machines back in the day. We picnicked in the shade of a B29 bomber, and then we really lucked out and saw a B1 flyover. Awesome. They have a little gift shop too, but you don’t have to walk through it to see the aircraft display! South Dakota really knows how to put our tax dollars to good use.

Next, we’re taking the road through Badlands National Park. Should I mention that it was scorching hot here? We hiked on a couple trails, but we were disappointed that the path grew too steep the little guys to climb. And going off the path was out of the question because of rattlesnakes. Yeah, our 3 year old thought wandering off the path seemed like a great idea, until he walked into a “Beware of Rattlesnakes” sign. Yikes. Not that he could read the sign, he’s no prodigy. He’s not really adept at climbing either, he fell on the same knee twice and I had to carry him with bloody knee back down the path anyway.

So now we’re heading to Mitchell to stay in the Ramada hotel for the night. It’s about 200 miles to Mitchell. It’s going to take a little luck to get there without any meltdowns. And as luck would have it, there was a great little Italian restaurant right across the street, with excellent lasagna, ravioli, spaghetti, and eggplant parmesan.

Now, we were all stuffed and wiped out. Sleep came much more easily in the suite. Aaaaaah.

To continue reading the Black Hills Vacation Saga, click here...

Crocodiles and Snakes, Oh My!

(This is part 6 of the Black Hills vacation series. If you would like to start at the beginning, click here.)

Despite the great dinner out last night, by now I was getting a little annoyed with our accommodations. It wasn't just the horse demanding our apples, it was all the mountains of horse shit around the property, and the flies, and the smell. And the bathroom situation was really not much better than camping. I mean I do greatly appreciate the luxury of hot water (which we did have), but a pedestal sink in a closet size bathroom, for a family of 6? Frustration. And can anyone really overlook towels that smell like mildew? Gross. I was using our beach towels as bath towels, which worked out fine since it wasn't warm enough to need them for swimming anyway. The pool actually looked pretty nice. Figures.

Did I mention that I was using (kind of) sunscreen as hair conditioner because I'd forgotten to pack real conditioner? If that sounds crazy (considering that I could have bought conditioner at the market in town), you must be forgetting my story about packing. Recall my bragging to my husband that I don't forget things, because I'm such an expert packer? So could I really cave in and buy cheap conditioner at the market? Hell no, I didn't need it. Just tie that static nest into a ponytail and move on. And if you think I'm exaggerating with the nest bit, just try going 4 days with hard water and no conditioner.

Today on the agenda? Reptile Gardens and the SD School of Mines and Technology. Both of these destinations are in Rapid City, which is only about a half hour from Hill City. Reptile Gardens was much more pleasant than I imagined, mostly due to the fabulous landscaping. The snake show, alligator show and bird show were really great, and the $50+ admission was well worth it. We got a big kick out of this place!

We visited the SD School of Mines mainly because my maternal grandfather went to college there, and I was curious. We enjoyed the Museum of Geology, and found a few cute souvenirs for the kids. (The biggest kid is 10 now, and too cool for stuffed animals. Boo hiss.)

I admit I was running out of steam by now. Day 5 of vacation with 5 males. Need I say more?

Click here to continue reading...

Sylvan Love Affair

(This is part 5 of the Black Hills vacation series. If you would like to start at the beginning, click here.)

Lesson to live by when cohabitating with a horse? Don’t feed the horse. Especially not apples. I felt sympathetic to this wandering white horse named Aces, especially because he was camped out near our car or cabin nearly all the time. He was chained, meaning he had a long chain attached to his bridle, with a stake at the end that had probably been pulled out of the ground many times. The chain slowed him down, but didn’t exactly restrain him. He seemed fairly calm, but after we fed him apples, he became downright aggressive. My fault—he clearly just wanted more apples. But when he reared up and whinnied, and then gave me a push with his head, I wasn’t  amused. Neither were the kids. No more apples for Aces.

On the travel agenda for today is Sylvan Lake, which was undoubtedly the most beautiful destination of our trip. There is a path around the lake, unending picturesque scenery, and fantastic climbing. We found a little waterfall on our climbing expedition, hiked to the top of boulders, and succeeded in restraining the kids from death defying heights.

When we left Sylvan, we drove into Custer State Park, following Needles Highway. The “highway” is actually a slow winding road up the mountain with many switchbacks. I suppose the scenery was great, but I was too absorbed fighting my carsickness to enjoy it. After about a half-hour, we pulled the car over for some air, and then decided to turn back. You've seen one granite spire, you've seen them all, right?

After abandoning our Needles Highway drive, we were in the mood for dinner out. We’d read good reviews of the Alpine Inn, so we headed into Hill City at about 5:30. Little did we know that the Alpine Inn is renowned for their filet mignon (which happens to be the one and only item on the menu), and seating for dinner is at exactly 5 o’clock. We learned there was a line for dinner at 5pm, and when we attempted to get a table at 5:30, it was a 45 minute wait. What a let-down. Luckily there was a restaurant up the road (I believe it was the Slate Creek Grill) that had great family atmosphere, a round table for our troops, and great service and good food. And beer. Score.

To continue reading part 6, click here.

I Pity the Fool's Gold

(This is part 4 of the Black Hills vacation series. If you'd like to start at the beginning, click here.)

Ahhh, finally a decent night’s sleep. Sure, I sleep better on an air mattress, in a tumble-down shack with crooked floors, than I did in the 3 star Clubhouse Suite. Let’s not read too much into this. We sat down in the cubicle size eating area to enjoy our travel breakfast - pop tarts! We’re all pretty excited about those rare coveted pop tarts, but having a horse outside our window was what really made the meal pop.

We decided to take a stroll down to the creek with some gold panning supplies. A kid needs a dream, right? 

After only a few minutes, look what #2 found!! That’s a pretty sweet little gold nugget. His score really revved up the rest of us to search too. But all the luck landed on #2, he found 3 gold nuggets while the rest of us came out with only a pair of soaked shoes and gold rush envy.

If you’ve ever panned for gold, you know this type of find is impossible. Tourists never find gold! If you are lucky, you’ll find a speck of fool’s gold. We found out later from the owner, a mom had brought fake gold nuggets and tossed them in the creek a while back, for her kids to find. Don’t tell though…it’s our secret, and that great idea is there for the taking.

Now we’re ready to see Mount Rushmore. While you can see the monument from the highway, the view isn’t close and is obscured by the entrance fee station. Our government spent about a million dollars over 14 years, through the great depression no less, constructing the monument. They need to recoup some of that expense, right? It is impressive, and the trails leading up for a closer look are comparable to taking a stair stepping class. The kids were wiped out at the top. #4 collapsed on the ground and wouldn't go any further. The kicker is that I had carried him the whole way!

After stair stepping to a close-up of “The Big Heads” (my husband's term - not mine), we drove into Keystone to tour a gold mine. Our tour guide was very entertaining and informative, and great at keeping the kids engaged and calm. This tour further reinforced the fact that searching for gold is a boondoggle; the two Germans who owned the mine spent over 30 years mining and never found more than about 2 ounces of gold. Wow. Talk about an antiquated attention span. How long do you think our generation would hold out hand-drilling in a mine by candlelight? About a day? Maybe two days? Amazing. They have panning at the Big Thunder Gold Mine as well, but we’d used up our luck for the day so we skipped it.

After a little resting up at the cabin, we hopped on our bikes and took the Mickelson Trail into downtown Hill City. There’s a great market and liquor store, and on the way we went right past the train station where a fully operational steam locomotive still boards for travel back and forth between Keystone and Hill City. We were thinking that our 3 year old train-loving kid would like to ride on the real steam engine, but we had to think again. It must have been the noise of the engine that scared him, because he wouldn't hear of boarding that train. I'm sure the 2 hour round trip to Keystone would have been really amazing -- but not with a terrified kid on board. Maybe next time.

Hill City also has several restaurants to choose from, but we weren't in the mood for eating out tonight. We planned to head back to the cabin and fire up the Weber grill. On our way back, we spied a few great restaurants to check out tomorrow night. 

Look out Hill City - the circus is coming to town tomorrow night - and we'll be hungry.

Continue reading part 5.

First Day of Freedom - 2012

I danced a little jig and turned up the tunes this morning, when three of my monkeys got on the school bus and it magically carried them away. Priceless. 

You know that feeling in your gut when you kindergartner goes to school for the first time? Proud, sentimental, anxious, a little sad, and possibly elated? I didn’t feel any of that. He was on the bus and gone before I knew what happened. My neighbor had to inform me that he jumped up and down with joy when the bus pulled up, and she also pointed out that my #2 boy had kindly sat next to my new kindergartner. So, you’re probably wondering if I was already drinking celebration cocktails when the bus arrived, because how could a mom miss all those precious details on her kindergartner’s first day? Well, it starts with having 4 monkey-boys, then throw in a bus that’s 45 minutes late, and a #4 monkey who runs off to who-knows-where at the wrong moment. Then add the sign on the bus window, wrongly stating the bus is going to a different school. Throw that in the mix with not recognizing the bus driver or any of the kids on the bus, and you get why I was in deep worry about the bus situation and missing what was important. Sigh.

Can I get back that first-day experience? Sure, we’ll just have a re-do tomorrow. I’m getting adept at the re-do, because I’m pretty lousy at getting anything right the first time around. Maybe that should be my slogan. “We can re-do it!” I sure am thankful to my husband for taking pictures. 

Anyway, get on with the day! I’ve got so much on my list that I’ve been waiting to get done until school starts! Starting with washing all the smeared and finger printed windows and sticky doors, right on through cleaning all the baby stuff out of storage; my excitement is palpable. I’ve got a list long enough to keep me busy for weeks. It’s doubtful I’ll miss those monkeys at all.

What’s on the agenda today? The baby stuff – out of my house – and pronto. I’m yanking it out of storage and cramming it into my brother’s car this weekend. Anything that doesn’t go is getting donated. After that I’m going to wash the windows, because I’m really damn tired of looking through snot-smeared glass. (I'm not kidding. My kids wipe their noses on anything but tissues.)  

Whoa, wait a minute. I still have a kid around here somewhere. #4 monkey is home. Oh, and that kindergartner is half-day, so he’s only gone for a whopping 3.5 hours. Looks like I’m striking items #2-infinity from my list and hoping I get 1 single thing done today. Rats! Looks like my list will keep me busy until next summer after all. 

Can I get that re-do now?

Movin' On: The Falls and The Wall Drug

(This is part 3 of the Black Hills vacation series. If you'd like to start at the beginning, click here.)

So much for that "good night's sleep" idea. With all the bedbug drama last night, I didn't get much sleep. When you think about little bugs crawling in your bed, do you not get itchy all over your body? It doesn't matter at all if the little vermin are actually present. I was itchy and wide awake. But hey, lack of sleep is par for the course when sleeping in a hotel room with 5 boys, right? After a delicious breakfast and plenty of coffee, we’re splitting this joint and heading for The Falls Park. Pack it all up!

The Falls Park was a really fun place to climb for all the kids. Nothing is roped off, so keep an eye and a hand on the little guys. My 8 year old decided to cross the top of the falls; when I noticed him precariously perched at the top I nearly fainted. Common sense isn’t his strong suit, but he sure is a good climber!

After a morning at The Falls Park, here we are stacked back in the van like sardines, sailing down the highway, crossing the great state of South Dakota. Booooorrrrring. The most exciting vision you will encounter is windmills generating power. You’ll have miles and miles of straight highway to ponder how those futuristic behemoths work, and why they don’t look anything like a traditional windmill. Yawn. Oh, and then you might just lose cell coverage all together. Apparently our cell service provider, Virgin Mobile, doesn’t give a hoot about the great state of South Dakota. The Heart of America! 

After that long and dusty road, Wall Drug is a welcome sight. What a tourist mecca! We walked around for hours, found and discarded several possible souvenirs, and lost a couple kids more than once. Feeling anxious to get to our cabin in Hill City, we split the Wall Drug without any souvenirs, but with a plan that we’d come back on the way home. Took a turn through Rapid City, and made it to the cabin by dark.  

The cabin resort we stayed in was more odd and outlandish than a National Lampoon's vacation morphed with the Sturgis Bike Rally. Come to think of it, that's exactly what it was! The cabin was tiny - about 800 sq ft, and the whole floor tilted to one side. Luckily the creek was a good 100 yards away, or I'd  have feared the whole shebang would slide right down the hill. And there was a lovely white horse wandering freely on the grounds. The owner looked like a typical Harley rider with the long gray ponytail and his chopper parked next to the collection of rusty saw blades. Talk about character! 

I couldn't wait to see how we'd all sleep in this shack. The only saving grace was the two bedrooms, and the blow-up air mattress I brought along (just in case) the sleeper sofa wasn't usable. (It wasn't.) Here's a tip about air mattresses:  buy a $20 foam topper and it makes the mattress wildly more comfortable. Just let the foam air out for a few days before your trip, because they smell nasty out of the box.

If you are looking for a cheap, bare-bones cabin, clean but no frills, a step up from camping, at a great location in Hill City, check out this resort. But if you keep reading this series, you might yet change your mind.

Click here to continue to part 4.

Zero Hour: To Sioux Falls!

(This is part 2 of the Black Hills vacation series. If you'd like to start at the beginning, click here.)

And we’re off! The car is loaded up with 5 bikes piled on the back, the cargo carrier clinging to the top, and the kids are stocked with a mountain of activities and snacks. Being realistic, there is no way in hell our circus is driving 600 miles to the Black Hills in one day, so we’re stopping in Sioux Falls. And the hotel has fab reviews, an awesome bike path right next door, and a lavish complimentary breakfast. I admit I get downright ecstatic about a good breakfast I don’t have to cook and clean up myself.

If you’re going on a trip with young kids, I highly recommend printing out a map of your start to end journey. When you are 10 miles into the trip and your 5 year old asks, “How much further?”, rather than being shocked and dismayed at his naivety, you can just mark it on his map. In another 10 miles, when that dot of your car barely moves, he’ll actually get it, and he won’t ask again for about 75 miles.

I also fell in love with using Trip Advisor to find a good hotel, because many of the reviewers were family oriented and shared pertinent information. Priceline is fabulous for rankings and booking a hotel last minute. (We got a $150 suite for $99 using Priceline on the way home.) Just make sure you specify 2 ½ or 3 stars. If you go any lower than that, let’s just say it’s not worth the risk.

We loved the hotel we stayed in (ClubHouse Suites). Breakfast was fantastic, the room was great, easy access from the parking lot, and very clean and upscale. Great pool for the kids. But. How do I put this? In the middle of the night my husband thought he got a bug bite. He traveled for work for some time and he is well-read on the topic of bed bugs. Being well-read can sometimes be a handicap to getting a good night’s sleep. I’m not convinced that there were bedbugs in the hotel, because mosquitoes love my ankles, so would I notice a new bite? However, it’s worth your time to read up on the epidemic of bedbugs if you will be staying in a hotel. The nasty critters have been found even in 4 star hotels, and you DO NOT want to bring them home!

Back to the fun stuff…we followed the Sioux Falls Bike Trail a couple miles through the parks and stopped at an immense playground. The trail was nicely flat and suitable for our 5 year old, but he was exhausted when we were done. We ordered takeout from the Italian restaurant next door to the hotel, and it was delicious. 

We’re all tuckered out, and after a good night's sleep, we'll be ready for more travel tomorrow!

Click here to continue to part 3.

Genesis: Packing for Vacation

Stop the presses! We are taking a family vacation. I don’t have especially fond feelings about vacations with the kids, so this is big news. And it’s all setup to be a fun-filled memory-making adventure, traveling by minivan, with all four of our kids in eager attendance. And we will be making happy memories, dammit. 

Did I mention we're going to the Black Hills? It's in South Dakota. You people on the coasts just stop snickering, it's just as great a vacation as Hawaii or Cancun. Yes, it is.

Anyway, what’s the first thing a mom does after booking accommodations for such an adventure? Well, if you’re like me, you start planning and making lists. Lists of what the kids will need to keep them entertained in the car, and I mean whatever it takes to keep the little monkeys relatively quiet for 1,500 miles in a minivan. 

Then there are the lists of supplies we need to bring. Believe it or not, if band aids aren’t on my list, I’ll forget them. There are many good reasons why I’m a list-driven person. I don’t forget things, because I have a list that I started a week ago, and I’m packing everything on the list.

Do men pack in this manner? None to my knowledge. As far as I can tell, without my interference, my husband would throw his underwear and socks in a ziplock bag and be ready to go. It boggles my mind. And my methods equally boggle his. While he was watching me pack, and wondering aloud why it was taking so long, he matter-of-factly asked, “You’re bound to forget something, so why try to remember everything?” To which I smugly replied, “I’m organized and I plan ahead, so I don’t forget anything. And I’m packing things you will need.” And there it is. As soon as I uttered that pompous comment, I should have known it would come back and nip me in the ass. But you'll have to stay tuned for that nail-biter finale.

So here are my ace go-to items for keeping the kids happy for miles and miles in the car. This is important:

1. A small lap-size white board for each kid, with small markers and eraser. Found it in the dollar section at Target.
2. Here's a tip for all those markers, put them in a big ziplock bag and use a chip-clip to attach the bag to the back of the seat in front of the kid. I just wrap the top of the bag over the holy-crap handle on the back of each seat, and attach a chip-clip to the top of the bag from underneath the holy-crap handle. Works like a charm, and keeping markers in a bag is nice for a quick clean-up when a bored 3 year old starts chucking his markers all over the car. 
3. A clipboard for everyone, and a few new coloring books.
4. A set of markers for each kid. Toss them in that ziplock bag!
5. Lots of scratch paper attached to those clipboards. I like to cut the many pages of unused paper out of their old school notebooks for this purpose.
6. Snacks!! And more snacks!! But don't get anything messy that requires cleaning the car after they eat it. This is going to be a long eff-ing trip and the last thing you need is a fly infested pig sty in your car for 1,000+ miles.
7. Along the lines of snacks, you can buy big boxes of crackers, and divee out the servings in reusable plastic cups. I can't stand throwing away all the wrappers from individual servings of snacks. Unnecessary packaging is just way out of line these days.
8. Books. I even found a few cute little paperbacks in the dollar section. One was about the US presidents and was actually quite interesting and educational. Bonus!
9. Books on tape, music CDs, anything you can find at the library is great. But good heavens, don't lose library items on your trip!
10. If you have a DVD player in your car, by all means use it. But don't get one just for one trip. Those little animals - uh, I mean kids - need to learn to be civil without constant entertainment. Just like we were in the old days. We were totally civil when my little brothers and I were smashing each others fingers and rolling around the back of the station wagon. I tell ya, traveling with kids was a lot easier before all these pesky seat belt laws.

Essential travel items to remember:  bug spray, sunblock, hydrocortisone cream, band aids (some large), ice packs, and Tylenol/Advil (adult and kid dosages) are all very handy to have. And so are travel size bottles of wine. For the hotel, obviously. 

Can I get through even one post without mentioning wine? Stay tuned for more about the vacation. It's really, really helpful to learn from other's mistakes. That's what I'm here for! And you know, it kinda makes me feel better about messing up so often, if it's helping someone else out somehow.

Click here to continue to part 2.

What I Learned About My Head at Church

Truth be told, we don't drag our three ring circus to church all that often, especially in the summer. But when we do, it's always memorable. Take this last Sunday, when we learned that we have (once again) cast bad luck on our semi-new church's call for a new pastor. Would it be superstitious to note that when we attend a new church, the pastor leaves and finding a new one is prolonged and difficult? When we've tired of the interim pastor, we move to a new church and cause the same catastrophe. We're like a clandestine congregation seeking missile. The rulers of ancient Rome probably would have worshiped us, but I'm not proud of that. It's obviously not intentional, and I really don't think we do anything tangible to cause it. But there it is, and not a secret anymore.

So I learned a couple things this Sunday from the Worship Pastor's sermon (since there is no senior pastor -- and if you're reading this Jason, you did a great job). The first thing I learned during the sermon was that my head may or may not be too large for a cutesy bob haircut. No, the sermon didn't cover topics directly related to my hair, but my husband and I had a discussion that went like this during the service:


Me:  "Are you sleeping?"
H:  "No, I can listen with my eyes closed."
Me:  "Uh huh." (eye roll) "I like her haircut", (pointing at a cute girl a row ahead of us) "do you think I'd look okay with a haircut that short?"
H: (in deep thought for a few seconds)  "Her face isn't like yours."
Me:  "Right, but lots of people have a haircut like hers and they don't all have her face."
H:  "But her face is shorter than yours, you have to have the right proportions for a haircut."
Me:  "Which proportions aren't right?"
H:  "I don't know. For example, someone with a big head wouldn't look good with that haircut."
Me:  "So now I have a big head?"
H:  "No, that's not what I said." (frustrated sigh)
Me:  "Never mind. You better just start praying."

What Would You Do?

You know those incidents when a kid makes such a scene that you are appalled at their behavior? Whether they are being spoiled, rude, or ungrateful--it’s pretty common, and truth be told sometimes it's my kid. But what about the times when the parent’s method of dealing with the kid is even more appalling? I’m talking about the times when we bystanders are dying for the parent to take that bull (kid) by the horns and show them who’s boss. With calm and controlled actions, of course. But there are times when parents are pushovers, and it’s the kids who are running the show.

Take this weekend, when I brought two of my boys to an ice cream parlor. We were waiting in line behind another mom with two boys. The mom ordered cones for her boys, and when she inquired about sampling another flavor, the teenage server offered to give the mom a small sample scoop on top of her son’s ice cream cone. A couple bites of decadence for free! The mom graciously accepted the offer. When she picked up the boys’ ice cream cones, she quickly devoured the sample off the top. (It looked delicious.) But one of her boys was not happy with the sharing. He immediately started screaming about her flagrant misdeed—she had eaten some of his ice cream! Well, that kid wouldn’t take the ice cream cone now. I was trying not to gawk, but I'm almost certain I saw the boy attempt to toss the cone on the floor and his mom caught it out of midair. She pleaded with him and tried to explain that she hadn’t eaten any of his ice cream, but he was having none of it. I stepped away from the counter with my kids to browse the candy selection, and my 3 year old picked out a tootsie pop while I pretended not to notice the embarrassing situation. The mom finally brought her screaming demon-boy outside, but damn if that kid still wasn’t taking that tainted ice cream cone.

I may be too heavily affected by my surroundings, or maybe I was just in a pissy mood to begin with. But at that moment I decided I had to set some unusual ground rules for this ice cream purchase. Bear in mind, we had already eaten some ice cream at home earlier that day, and my plan was simply to have an enjoyable outing in 90 degree heat, and share a simple sundae between the three of us. So, I told my 5 year old there were four flavors of ice cream he could choose from, and they happened to be flavors I wanted. Is anyone any bit surprised that he didn’t like the choices? He wanted cotton candy flavor, I wanted double chocolate fudge. No deal. He wanted bubble gum flavor, I wanted caramel toffee swirl. Not happening. (By the way, those flavors he wanted? Those are candy, not ice cream. Why do they try to turn ice cream into candy? Come on.) So, we were at a stalemate. In the meantime, that mom with the demon-boy, she had come back in and pretended to wait in line to get little Damien a new cone. I must have lost my appetite, because I really didn’t care if we got ice cream or not anymore. If my 5 year old and I couldn’t come to an agreement, no ice cream for us! So we grabbed another tootsie pop, and on the way out I resisted a really strong urge to grab the ice cream cone from Damien and eat it myself.

I'd like to think that I always handle every tough situation perfectly, but of course I don't. I'd probably go back and change something about every day of the week if I could. Too bad we don't always get a chance to stop and think about our options before we act, because I hope if Damien's mom had stopped to think, she would have eaten the whole ice cream cone herself, while he watched in shock. It’s tough to watch when parents don’t have control, maybe even tougher than being that parent.

Top 5 Things I Hate/Love About Summer

Up here in the North, we savor every bite of our precious morsel of summer. It’s not that I don’t love summer – because I do. It’s just that there are a few things I could do without.

Swimsuits. It is impossibly difficult for me to find a swimsuit that fits. If I'm lucky and search high and low all summer, I find that magical suit every few years. So I’m either stuck wearing a suit that is worn out, or I’m wearing a suit that doesn’t fit. There should be a custom swimsuit maker who comes over to my house and privately fashions a swimsuit to fit, flatter and cover every little imperfection perfectly. She would bring wine and chocolates, and look like a combination of Mary Poppins and Eva Longoria. She’d have never-ending fabric samples and magical sewing skills. And she’d do this with expertise and speed, out of the goodness of her heart, so the perfectly fitted swimsuit wouldn’t cost a fortune.

Shaving. I hate to admit this, but during our 6 months of winter, I rarely shave. If ever. So when summer finally makes a brief appearance, I often forget to shave, and then I do it in a hasty, nick of time rush. (Pun intended there.) I hate the rashy skin I get, and the inconvenience of shaving. I have this friend who actually had laser hair removal to resolve this ugly nonsense. She had it done on her legs, her pits, bikini – the whole shebang. I know - unbelievable and unfair. Believe me, I brush my stubbly unshaven legs against her every chance I get.

Popsicles. The kids love ‘em, but they are the bane of my summer. How is it that one tiny little popsicle can melt down a child’s arms and legs and pool into a blue puddle at their feet? And why is it that popsicles are made of food dye more permanent than markers? How is that a single popsicle can cause stickiness to spread on every door handle, faucet handle, chair, countertop and square foot of floor that a child touches? If I could proliferate money like popsicles proliferate stickiness, I’d never have to work again. As it is, I’m washing every surface, and scrubbing blue drips off my 3 year old. Again. (And I'm still looking for that illusive job, by the way.)

Sunblock. It’s greasy, it smells bad, and I have to slather it all over myself, my 4 moving targets, and my husband. This has to happen every two hours – which basically leaves no time for anything else. On a good day, the stuff doesn’t make my skin break out, but good days are few and far between.

Social Coordinator & Chauffeur. Summer is the fleeting time period when we cram all of our crazy vacations and family related travel into a few weeks. I drive my boys to practices, games, camps, the beach, friends’ houses, and to the store a zillion times a week. If our schedule isn’t full, they just fight, so we have to keep moving. But it's tiring to keep moving all summer, and there are days I wish to sit and read a whole book.

Weeding the Garden. Is it just me, or do weeds grow ten times faster than perennials? I had this grand plan for my garden to grow and crowd out the weeds, which would have worked perfectly if the weeds didn’t grow like mutant beanstalks. I’m so tired of pulling, whacking and spraying weeds that I give up on more and more of my “garden” every year. I scream obscenities at the deer eating my lilies, and praise the rabbits for munching in the right areas. It’s total lunacy.

Yeah, I just noticed that's 6 things I hate. Sure, I complain too much about what I'm supposed to be enjoying - but I do have a few loves of summer too.

Picnics and BBQs. Isn’t picnic food divine? Maybe I belong down South, but there is nothing better than a plate of BBQ ribs and sweet corn from the grill, potato salad, beans, watermelon, and pie. Throw in some hard lemonade and I am in heaven. Of course, the best part of picnicking with kids is the elimination of all clean-up duties, and just letting them get messy to their little hearts' content.

Bike Rides. We line up like the Sturgis bike rally and go as far as the kids can stand it. Surprisingly, biking is one activity my kids will enjoy without complaint. No video games, no snacks, we just ride. We often ride the entire two mile trek to Dairy Queen! Yes, we are hardcore.

The Lake. I didn’t grow up with the benefit of 10,000 lakes, and I have to say this is my favorite part of Minnesota. (Ahem, aside from the every so nice Scandinavians.) Going to the lake is a fun time for the whole family, whether we are building sand castles or fishing or boating.

Road Trips & Classic Rock Music. There’s something about listening to classic rock in the car, in the summer, with the windows down. Just yesterday I heard Fleetwood Mac followed by The Rolling Stones, and I had to drive past my house just to keep driving until the song was over. I wouldn't listen to that radio station in any other setting, but wow. Road trips for us are a max of 3 hours - with a video - but we're working on expanding our horizons. The kids are training now for an 11 hour trip in a few weeks. My training may involve Valium. Oh wait, I'm not complaining here, these are my "loves". Oops.

Baseball. Sure, it can be a hassle going to all those baseball games, but the truth is I’ve never loved baseball more than I do when I get to watch my kids play. I’m not one to attend more than one Major League game a year, but watching Junior Minor League? I’m all in. Give me sunflower seeds and a camp chair and I’m as happy as when I'm watching trashy TV and sipping a glass of wine. Okay, almost as happy.

I better get moving now - summer's almost over!

This Kid Has Gone Fem-Loco

Truth be told, I’ve been getting a little smug about having all boys. Not because it hasn’t been challenging; I’ve had way more than my fair share of dirty looks when I take my boy-circus out in public. But this year when I got my last little monkey potty trained, I started seeing flickers of light at the end of the tunnel. Then I easily slid into thoughts of how fantastic it was going to be to skip all of that girly teen drama I hear about. Sure, boys are typically harder when they are younger, but that rowdiness and bad language pales in comparison to the hazards surrounding a rebellious teenage girl, right? (I should know. I shudder to think of the torture if I had to raise my teenage self.) Some day down the road, I’m thinking I’ll finally get my fair reward for surviving this life of boy-monkey-madness. Someday.


And then - Collin turned 3. Yes, Collin is my 4^th boy, and he was obviously supposed to be a girl. He was supposed to be Colleen. (No, I wouldn’t really have named my daughter Colleen, not that there’s anything wrong with it.) Anyhow, I still call him Colleen at times, especially lately, because he's started up with some unusual girlish behavior. I don’t know how else to describe it – it’s a combination of OCD and a costume fetish. He’s crazy obsessed with his clothes, costumes, uniforms, and all the matching accessories. I mean every last sock, hat, glove and shoelace has to be correct. It's nuts. And it’s exactly what I imagined it would be like to have a high-strung little girl. And this is one of those parenting headaches I thought I would never ever have to deal with, because I don't have girls!

It started with baseball season, when my oldest two boys got their baseball uniforms. Collin saw them in uniform and his little mind went haywire. He had to wear those uniforms. Even though the uniforms are 5 sizes too big for him, so it looks as if he’s wearing a baseball dress with clown pants and clown shoes. Not only did he try the uniforms on, he wanted to live in them. You name it, he’s doing it in the clown-size baseball cleats, a baseball jersey dress, hat, and giant batting gloves. I admit it’s so adorable it makes everyone who sees him smile. But stay out of his way, because he doesn’t quite have control over those clown cleats, and they hurt like the dickens when your toes get under them. And the batting gloves, he screams about them because he needs help putting them on, plus they are so big that he can’t use his hands effectively. Just locating the correct matching accessories for each outfit could drive me to drink more wine than I should. But he doesn't give in, he still wants to wear it all, everywhere, and all the time.

It’s cute, right? So let it go, right? That’s exactly what I thought. Until he started changing uniforms every few minutes, and he added a couple Halloween costumes to the mix. Now, changing clothes 87 times throughout the day would be bearable if he wasn’t whining at me constantly because they don’t fit properly, are impossible for him to take off and put on, and he can't find a missing sock or something. Not to mention that these uniforms are hot, so he's getting sweaty and stomping those clown cleats on my bare toes with abandon. And then there's the exhausting fact that Collin’s clothes fetish is relentless from sunup to sundown. Bedtime is no cakewalk, because he's got rules about his pajamas. In the morning, he stands at my side of the bed mere moments after he awakes, demanding that I help him out of his pajamas and into a baseball uniform. Have you ever awoken at dawn to a 3 year old standing next to your head with giant baseball cleats in his hands, demanding that you put them on him? And then screaming at you because his belt is the wrong color? Something had to be done.

So what does a mom of four do to destroy her child’s crazy fetish? If she has a Target nearby – she heads right over there and buys her 3 year old a pair of his very own baseball cleats and socks. Yep, that’s what I did, believe it. I really just wanted to make our lives a little more pleasant; I thought at least if his shoes fit we could move about more easily and have less whining. So much for that plan. Of course he's still changing and complaining and whining and it’s still driving me nuts. Even the babysitter was at her wits’ end after spending an hour with this little clothes-changing devil. I do take credits for saddling the sitter with this kid for a while – that’s what every seasoned mom does, right?

I know I’m not the only mom who has seen this type of behavior, and I’m in desperate need of consolation. Please tell me this is just a phase, because I'm beyond ready to go back to being smug about not having any girls. And not having any boys that act like girls. Not that there’s anything wrong with it.

Yin and Yang of Being 40 (Almost)

Truth be told, this aging nonsense is getting me down. There’s this constant Yin and Yang battle waging, and lately the Yin is getting the better of me.¹ Luckily the Yang is pulling ahead as I approach 40 - I'm accepting who I am and feeling fairly content and confident with it. But it’s competing with the Yin -the realization that I can’t do many of the things I used to do anymore. Times they are a-changin'.

Woe is me, the list of things I can’t do anymore is long. I can’t drink wine followed by a cocktail, or I feel like I have PMS, a migraine, and heart disease the next day. I can’t listen to my kids’ radio station without complaining that the music is so bad it hurts my brain. I can’t read small print without holding it at arm’s reach. I can't go to a concert anymore without feeling like I'm everyone's mom. I have to restrain myself from telling teenagers, "Don't do that, you could get hurt, or get a disease, or you could get pregnant!" I really could live with all of those minor annoyances of aging just fine– the Yang was winning - until I decided to try water skiing again.

Just last week, I strapped on the water skis and stared Yin down with fierce determination. Sure, I haven’t water skied in over 10 years, but it wasn’t very tough back then. And I actually thought, I’m probably in better shape now than 10 years ago. Surely, I thought, I have the ability to conquer the water on skis. I was determined, and I was naively excited. I had a few daydreaming visions of myself flying along behind the speedboat, zipping across the wake, maybe even getting some air. Don't I look ready?

Sure, that's me. In my imaginary head.

After the first crack at it, which lasted all of 10 seconds, I felt even more tenacious. I was going to hold onto that rope and do some kick ass water skiing! And, did I ever hold onto the rope. I held onto it even when I should have let go, and I ended up twisting my legs in a painful crash that probably resembled a pretzel doing the splits. The skis flew off, my leg was in agony, and I hadn’t skied for more than 30 seconds. What a huge let down – and score 1 for Yin.

This one probably looks exactly right. But I'm not sure why she's wearing a jacket and pants, waterskiing in the snow. Looks like a dare she should have ran from.

Damn Yin, reminding me that my body is getting older no matter what I do to fight it. Hell, in another 10 years I won’t be able to water ski anymore at all. I suppose that should encourage me to do it as much as I can now. But as I sit here icing my leg, I’m wondering whether it’s worth it. That Yin is a mean force to reckon with. Perhaps I should open my mind to cross-stitch, scrapbooking and crossword puzzles. That’s exactly what my sprained hamstring is lobbying for.

On the upside, the day after my waterskiing crash I did manage to drive the speedboat for my husband to wakeboard. After a few days of trying, he was happy I finally figured out how to control the speed of the boat perfectly. Good times for him – he loved it. (He’s a tad older than me, and didn’t get injured at all in his endeavor, but I'm not bitter.) Hey, at least I can still drive. Perhaps I can squeeze in some of my new cross-stitch hobby between stints of driving the boat. Here’s hoping I still have a little time before I get bifocals and have to be driven like Miss Daisy.

Look at how happy and perfect these two buff bods are. Aaaaackk. Get over yourselves.
_______________________________________________

¹ I am vaguely aware that the philosophy of Yin and Yang isn’t good and bad opposing forces, but complementary opposites, that interact within a greater whole. Or something like that. I just like the symbolism for my little story.

Top 10 Reasons I Have Mom Guilt

Truth be told, I get mom-guilt several times a day, every day. Sometimes it's because I take everything too seriously, and other times it's because I’m lazy. I admit it; I get lazy in the summer. It’s partly because I have more kids home and more work to do in the summer, but it’s also because I miss sunbathing on the beach, while reading a book in total peace. I miss those lazy Sundays when I had nothing but the summer sun to worry about. There are instances when I shirk my mom duties and wish to relish just a moment in my younger, childfree skin. Hence the guilt. Because it's impossible for me to neglect my job for more than 5 minutes without something falling apart in my absence. In the summer, I can't even go in the bathroom without a strategy for my escape. Such is the life in a house full of little kids.

So, here are the top 10 reasons I have suffered from mom-guilt lately:

10.   My kids are covered with mosquito bites. Why does this always happen the night before we need the rascals to look their best? It doesn’t matter whether I use repellent or not – they’ll have bites glaring on their faces when they smile for that photo with Grandma.

9.       I let my kids dip anything in ranch dressing because they’ll eat it. It started with vegetables, but then I just got creatively lazy.

8.       I diluted the juice with half water and let the kids drink as much juice as they wanted.

7.       I let the kids eat hot dogs for dinner on game days during baseball season. With two kids in baseball, that's a load of hot dogs.

6.       I encouraged the kids to eat leftover pizza for breakfast and then cereal for dinner.

5.    One of my kids is using a big cardboard box as a nightstand. (How old does a kid have to be to get a real nightstand? I’m thinking 16.)

4.       I noticed peanut butter all over the face of my 3 year old, more than an hour after we finished PB&Js for lunch. (He's getting quite skilled at pretending to clean himself up, and I'm getting frightfully forgetful.)

3.       My 5 year old said, “Look how much I’ve grown!”, because he noticed his pants are about 5 inches too short. That’s when I realized I haven’t measured him on the growth chart in over a year.

2.       We skipped baths because we went swimming. For an entire week.

1.       I let them watch TV for an hour and a half so I could squeeze in a workout and waste time on the computer. At least they were watching PBS.

I Have to Ask - Is This a Problem?

Truth be told, I've got this little addiction, and I'm not even sure if it is an addiction, and even if it is, I'm pretty sure it's not a problem. But it's one of those lingering questions.

It's the 2nd week of summer vacation - no wait, the 3rd week - and I've got a delicious crutch. I really didn't come up with this crutch on my own. I wouldn't have found it at all if it weren't for a Target checkout coupon; a real zinger - buy one get one free, Starbucks Frappuccinos. I'm deeply in lust with iced coffees and frappuccinos, and I've learned that my boys like them too - without the coffee. It sounds sacrilegious until you consider the 'buy one get one free', and then I'm sure you'll come around to sharing with the kiddos too. The thing I do realize about Starbucks coffee - it's way stronger than what I make at home. The drinks probably have 10x more sugar and caffeine than what I normally drink. Not to mention the whipped cream, which of course I would never have at home, but never turn down at Starbucks. When you are paying $4 for a small coffee, what kind of crazy person tells them to leave out the good stuff? I'm sorry, a "skinny coffee"? Not even in my vocabulary. Suffice it to say, after I drink a frappuccino, I am flying high. I could tackle anything. I could clean the bathrooms, wash the floor, give haircuts and a piano lesson, take a trip to Costco, weed the yard, and have dinner with the in-laws; all in succession. This coupon was a sweet find, especially since we get a new one every time we check out at Target.

So, I've used these coupons a few times. It was about the 3rd or 4th time around when I noticed I might have a little problem, but who's counting. I hadn't had lunch yet when we took our little jaunt to Target. Now, I am not a person who skips meals these days. I might have a light meal, but I'll always make up every meal by the end of the day, even if I have to eat my lunch in peace at midnight. So I dragged my son over to Target to pick up something, and I had one of these coupons (yeah, that's probably the real reason we went). I polished off about half of the frappuccino, we checked out and I knew I shouldn't finish it because I was getting a buzz. But I couldn't bear to throw away the remaining dregs so I stuck it into the refrigerator when we got home. I was so full of energy, I could easily get in a workout. I was lifting weights and spinning on the elliptical with some seriously unusual gusto. It wasn't until a couple hours later that I realized I hadn't had any lunch. Nothing. That frappuccino had been my meal. Yikes. And the really scary thing is, the next morning when I woke up, the first thing I thought about was that remaining swig of frappuccino left in the refrigerator. It was really good - even the next day - is that disgusting?

I started thinking this thing I have going with frappuccinos isn't a problem if I can make them at home, a little weaker and a tad healthier, so I found a couple recipes. And if I share great recipes and everyone else is drinking them too, I'm double-sure it's not a problem. A little disclaimer about my recipes in general - I like simplicity. I want something easy and fast, so there aren't any fancy ingredients or time consuming steps. (Unless you count waiting for coffee to chill, but I can do that while I do 513 other things.) So, if you have some favorite kitchenista ingredients, by all means use them!

First, you need cold coffee. This is made strong and sweetened, then refrigerated for a few hours. I keep a metal thermos in the door, so I can whip up an iced coffee in the afternoon.
COFFEE: Make double-strength coffee by brewing with twice the coffee required by your coffee maker: That should be 2 tablespoons of ground coffee per each cup of coffee. Stir in 1T brown sugar per cup while coffee is hot. Chill well before using.

Frappuccino Recipe
(makes 2 tall drinks)

3/4 cup sweetened double-strength cold coffee
1 cup milk
2T chocolate syrup
2 cups ice
To make drink, combine all ingredients in a blender and blend on high speed until ice is crushed and drink is smooth. Pour into two 16-ounce glasses, and serve with a straw.

Iced Mocha Recipe
(bonus - no blender!)

3/4 cup milk (use 2% or add a splash of half & half to skim milk)
3/4 cup sweetened double-strength cold coffee
2T chocolate syrup
crushed ice

You can adjust the sugar and chocolate syrup to your taste...I hope you enjoy!